Worries You Have as Parent Raising a Bilingual Child

If you’re a worrier — and I am — worrying comes naturally to you. If you’re a worrier with children, it’s scarily easy to obsess over their development and milestones. Are they eating enough? Too much? Should they be waving at 9 or 10 months or it is okay if they’re really just interested in climbing on everything and sticking dangerous objects in their mouths instead? For me, worrying is who I am. I’ve learned to accept it. 

When you’re a worrier and a parent of a bilingual child, your worries expand. Of course, being bilingual is a blessing, but as a non-bilingual person, I have no experience in what is normal or not. But I do wonder at how common some of my worries are, so I’ve listed them here. 

• Will my child have a speech delay?
• Will others be able to understand my (toddler) child?
• Will I mess them up by speaking both languages when they’re around?
• Is my accent in Spanish going to “rub off” on them?
• How can I be sure my child will want to talk in the minority language (in our case, Spanish)?
• How do I find books and TV shows in the target language? How can I find books/shows that have the dialect with which we identify? (For instance, we speak Castilian Spanish [Spanish from Spain]. There are a lot of Spanish-language resources here, but they often are Latin-American dialects, and they use words we don’t know or are unfamiliar with.)

Do you identify with any of my worries? Do you have any to add to the list?

Why Don’t They Just Apply for Citizenship?

This post is based on question posed to me by a white person I know.

Mario and I came to the United States last March. We had spent the last year and a half in an immigration limbo, not sure of where we would be from one month to the next. When we got here, I was really excited to show Mario what life in the U.S. was like. I was not thinking about the state of our country or potential political problems. I was really excited!

This election has shattered what was left of my bubble. I am from a small town, but I had lived for years in Spain and moved to a blue bubble in a red state. I was surrounded by people who were affirming my views that Donald Trump was not the right person to lead our country. I did not think it would happen. The whole time, I was not seeing or hearing how scared people of color, immigrants, refugees, LBGTQ people were. My whiteness allowed me to skirt by those issues. I was not actively ignoring it, but I still was not hearing it. That all changed on November 9. I have had to engage with a country I now know is deeply racist. Most of all, white people—white women, even—voted for a racist, sexist, homophobic person instead of thinking about others. What they said to marginalized people was, “I just don’t care about you.”

With Trump’s announcement that he plans to deport 3 million “illegals,” I have begun to reflect on the whole process of immigration. Mario, a white European, had many great advantages in his immigration process: he is married to me, he’s white, he’s Western European, he has a university degree, etc. I thought then that the process would be relatively easy and straightforward.

It wasn’t. It took us a year and a half and over $3,000 to do it all—and that’s without the help of lawyer. I am a native English speaker and I’m pretty good at researching things on the Internet. I also have a university degree.

It wasn’t “easy” for us. But it wasn’t necessary either. We chose to get married, we chose to live in Spain, and we chose to come back to the U.S. There was no necessity; we were not in danger in any way. For most of the immigrants and refugees in the U.S., especially the undocumented, there is no “choice.” They move to protect their families, to seek a country that will allow them to enough money to support themselves or their families, or some other reason.

In some small ways, I understand the struggle of immigration. However, I will never understand what my colleague with an undocumented mother is going through. Right now, she is fearful that, one day, she will go home to find her mother gone, never to return. I am frightened for the future of our country, the country to which we decided to move in January of 2014. I wonder sometimes if, had we known about Trump’s victory, would we have moved here? Maybe not. But then, we always had a choice.

When You Take the Spaniard Out of Spain…

…What happens? Good question! It’s been over a year now that we’ve been back in the U.S. It feels like a long time ago—and yet not so long after—that we packed our bags, said farewell to Madrid, and hopped on that Iberia flight. In fact, we were back last October to celebrate my brother-in-law’s wedding, held at a lovely vineyard outside of Toro. (If you know Spanish wine, you’ll know Toro.)

It was a whirlwind visit, leaving on a Tuesday and coming home on Monday (or something like that, my memory’s a bit of a blur), but it was wonderful to have our families reunited again. And, of course, there was a bit of wine, a bit of cheese, and lots of wine to wash it all down.

As for life in the U.S.? Mario’s certainly loving his new job as a paralegal; it’s all the lawer-y stuff without the stress of, you know, being an actual lawyer. He gets fun perks like open-bar office Christmas parties, tickets to the Indianapolis Colts preseason games (a suite!), and dinners with clients from time to time in one of Indy’s hip downtown neighborhoods.

Me? I’m back at school, earning my teaching license so I can continue to work with the little ones. Teaching was not always where I thought I would end up, but turns out that 1) I love it, and 2) I’m pretty good at it.

I’m going to try to update you on more things about our lives, because I just miss sharing from time to time, and who knows, maybe someone out there is still reading.

For more frequent updates, check out my Instagram or Twitter, and please email me if you have any visa questions, because I’VE BEEN THERE. I can help. In the meantime, here are some more photos from the past, I dunno, year.

My birthday in Colorado

Trying to hang with college kids at IU

My beloved alma mater

Friends drinking beerMario ran his first-half marathon in the U.S. in 1:29

See you soon (I hope)!

So You’re Dating a Spaniard—Jamie

Hi all! So ironically—if I’m using the word correctly, and I’m never quite sure I am—when I stopped blogging regularly, my stats started booming! I blame Pinterest, but I can’t be sure … Nonetheless, I’d love to start blogging more regularly, at least so you all can listen to my husband’s complaints about drivers in the U.S.! (They are hilarious.) To tide you over, please read this interview with Jamie, who blogs at Belleville to Barcelona.

Hi!  My name is Jamie and I am from a small town in southern Illinois called Belleville.  It is right across the river from St.Louis, Missouri.  I turned 26 in October, right before I left to come back here to Barcelona for the second time.  I landed here for my first time in October 2012, took a TEFL course, and started working right away.  Obviously, I fell in love, with both teaching and my Spainard.  :) After working and living the typical Barcelona lifestyle for a full year, I decided I had to return home to see my family.  I stayed home for a full year and then packed my bags up again and here I am! This time around I’ve been here for 5 months so all together in Spain- 1 year and 5 months!

How did you meet your significant other and how long have you been together?

Carles and I met in the cheapest and smelliest hostel in London you could possibly imagine.  The crazy part is we were both living and working in Barcelona at the time and I was on my first ever Eurotrip with one of my best friends from college and he (last minute) booked a trip there to go for 5 days by himself and practice his English.  When we returned to Barcelona in January we did language exchanges together and hung out frequently- just as friends.  This went on for a few months and in March he moved into a 4 bedroom apartment with me and 2 other girls and again we were still just friends.  It wasn’t until May of 2013 we decided to make it official.. With that being said, we have been together for 2 years.

Do you feel that your significant other is a “typical” Spaniard?

In some ways—yes, he is a Spaniard through and through … In other ways he couldn’t be farther from a “typical” Spaniard.  For example, I swear he has to take a siesta every day he is not working even if he isn’t tired.. It’s just in his blood. He loves paella, jamón, and bocadillos and could eat them every day if he could.  He grew up playing soccer and was the captain of his team the last few years.  On the other hand, he is never too bothered when the Barca games are on and is open to moving and not staying around his small village where he is from.  He travels all over the world with me and is constantly wanting to see and do more.  He LOVES everything related to the states and would much rather wear a St.Louis Cardinals baseball jersey than a Barca one any day.  I think he really has developed the “best of both worlds” when it comes down to it.

Which language do you speak when you’re together?

When we met, we started talking in English because my level of Spanish was pretty terrible.  As we spent more time together and lived with two other girls who only spoke English—we were primarily speaking English. Now, as this is my second time around here, we are trying to speak more Spanish to improve my level but like everyone says, it’s hard to switch completely from the language you started speaking in.  Step by step!

How do you deal with the “in-law” issue?

Joan and Olga are amazing!  I have met them multiple times and can honestly say they treat me as one of their own, even though we are so different and don’t speak the same languages.  As they are from here; their first language is Catalan but of course switch to Spanish when I am around.  We have lunch with them usually every other Sunday and this past Christmas I was fortunate enough to get to spend it with them.  It was wonderful getting to experience a true Catalan Christmas!

What is the best part about dating/being married to a foreigner (and especially a Spaniard)?

You are constantly (and I mean constantly) learning something new.  Whether it is simply a new word in Spanish (or Catalan in my case) or a whole new tradition and way of life.. There are always things to be shared with one another.  Also you are welcomed into a whole new culture which is amazing in itself… Your eyes are opened to so many new things and it makes you appreciate it even more having your Spaniard (or foreigner) there to help guide you.

What is the most difficult part?

With cultural differences … comes some type of miscommunication at times.  There have been moments where one of us isn’t able to fully express what we want to say in the other language and this can be frustrating but with time and lots of patience.. Everything always works itself out!  Especially now after being together for 2 years, we hardly ever experience this anymore.

What advice would you give someone who is considering starting a relationship with a Spaniard?

Be patient! Also be very flexible because maintaining a relationship from opposite sides of the world can be tough at times… If you have to do long distance at any point like we did. But get ready for an amazing experience, unlike any you have had before!

Do you plan on living in the US or in Spain long term?

Bear with me because this question brings up a lot of different scenarios for us. Now it’s much easier for us to live and work in Spain; however, we love the U.S., and of course my family is there, so we plan to go back before too long and start our lives in the states together.  But after we have children and they are old enough to remember, we would like to come back here to allow them to go to Spanish/Catalán schools and experience what is it like to live and grow up in Spain.  So I guess both?

If you could import something from the US to Spain (and vice versa), what would it be?

Obviously I want my family here first and foremost.. After that, I would really love if it dryers were much more available here because I dislike everything about having to hang my clothes out.  Also I would import smoothie places on every corner like they are in the states (I miss my smoothie king, Jamba Juice, Planet Smoothie, etc.), oh, and TARGET!

If I could import something to the States, it would definitely be the mentality from here to ‘work to live’ not ‘live to work’ which is so very common in the states.  As for food, jamón, tortilla de patatas, and pan con tomate at each meal.  And one thing specific from Barcelona would be La Boqueria! It’s the best and I’m sad all my friends and family in the states don’t get to experience it unless they come here of course!

How has being in a relationship with a Spaniard changed you?

It has made me a better person overall- it has made me realize there is way more to life than just “living the American dream” and in my opinion, not living that “life” and having the pressures that come along with is is way better.  I have learned so much about the Spanish and Catalán cultures and been able to experience their traditions firsthand.  It has made me more open to all languages and cultures and also made me realize that anything is possible.

Thanks so much, Jamie!